BEREFT

do you know?
how i can be
deeply
deeply
BEREFT
and still not want that boy back
but miss the boy i thought/hoped he was
can you?
do you?
understand how empty can hurt so much
even after a life this long
and
well yes and
the thought of making love with anyone with him .... not wanted no
no no
and to never rub his cheek
oh dear
my head is pounding
i have cried and cried
and every tear a wasted one
that boy not worth a tear at all


to know he has a new woman
a fist POUNDS my chest
stopping my breath
my head spins
for moment i die

no one else to rub my fat belly
and the other things i dont want to say or feel or remember
just that there are the other things
i will sleep tonight and wake in the morning
and talk to cats and sit in the sun