from Textile Museum of Canda

Healing

so i dont think its ok to "change" some one else's art
but when you brought back the Rev doll Samaya
i remembered that it was "healing crisis"
and i really dont want to be in a healing crisis anymore
so i changed the background with metal bits etc
and then last night gave her a make over
she had alot of fish hooks in her
alot
some very tiny
so of course i took them out
i whispered good things to her and let her lie on the bed with the cats
she has a new dress made with some lovely eco printed wool
and under it i lay cedar and lavender (for protection)
on it i sewed alot of abalone buttons (again for protection)
she has a wooden spotted cat sewn to her skirt
and a small buddha
she has a red bead necklace and a rose quartz necklace (for love and self love)
i gave her gold metal hair done in spirals
i took the base off so can hang more easily
a few other things too
you will like it

i hope the healing can begin now
i believe my power for healing can out do the crisis the poor woman came with
and god knows i am ready for it

rose water

I bought rose water today
Got off the bus a stop early went to the Iranian shop. Looked around a bit, dried lemons, spices, halvah, but I was there for rose water.
I used it first after the man (people tell me he was a doctor in Lebanon) at the Mediterranean deli told me “our women use it on their skin”. I wanted to belong somewhere. Be someone’s woman
Tonight I will wipe my face and neck and between my legs with that lovely scented liquid. For a time that scent will stay with me, the scent of a July evening, Perhaps later, long after the scent has left me, another will smell it.
He will know I belong somewhere; I am someone’s woman.

snow

I went to “Rebecca and shawn’s” for dinner tonight
A family dinner as she so kindly calls it
For my birthday
Rebecca is a younger woman friend who I call my honorary daughter…she is quite beautiful so I say her father was very handsome!
So anyway when I left their place just after 9 it was barely snowing
yet during the hour long ride to sooke the snow got heavier and the bus seemed to be having a few problems..
was fine tho really
Anyway as I walked the 20 minutes up my road i felt quite childlike
I wanted to sing outloud
I mean I had had plans to sing outloud as I walked home in the dark and the snow
I don’t sing well but I still try at times
I wanted to sing that quaker hymn
Tis a gift to be simple
tis a gift to be free
blah blah
such a sweet song
I thought too as I walked how grateful I am today and how I am happy
Grateful for these shoes that I seem to wear all the time now I am in sooke
Tonight I felt brave and capable
And for the first time in a while (that I have noticed anyway) I don’t feel so so sorry for myself
The cats were waiting
And some nice phone messages
A couple of postcards in the mail from L J a lovely artist I use to work with
she mentioned a sad Christmas…and I am thinking about getting past my own sadness to notice others

So now I am home and its beautiful and white
The snow hiding all the junk lying around
And I have friends who call me family and I had apple pie
Happy January

BUS

the bus from sooke to town takes at least anhour and a half
i ride my bike to the end of my road and lock it at the "park and ride"
anyway an hour and a half!!!
and the bus at many times is filled to many people standing
the Sooke road is known as a windy road at the best of times and i often am on the edge of motion sickness
i am experimenting with different times to take the bus into town
is early morning better?
that kind of thing
and
i still have yet to try the express bus

at first out here i would tell myself i would HAVE to sleep in town if i had an appointment
poor erika with me on her sofa
now i am not so ready to be away for that amount of time and want more to be home (so glad for that)
in the trauma that was in the wake of the break up i found the quiet in my home unbearable.... now i am easier in my own skin
and too i realized i had cable TV withdrawel
renting HBO TV series has helped as well
and today i will try to get a Sooke library card so i can borrow movies rather than rent
i have been reading a huge amount as well and am glad to be back to that

TODAY IN MY WORLD

its been more than a year
i fell in love with a boy and moved 3 times
ended badly, sadly with the boy
i feel traumatized alone...and quite depressed
bereft as i wrote before
worried that it/he was my last kick at the can
my last opportunity for love
and i gave my heart
boy did i give my heart!!
so after 3 horrific moves as i said, i am living 45 miles from victoria in a small logging town called Sooke
i dont have a car and in fact i dont drive
gladly there is a bus
the bus!!! tho is a whole other story
i have moved into a small apartment on the ground floor of my sons newly built house
the grounds are still a bit of a construction site
and the other side of the property line has an accumulation of old cars,boats ...discarded or not fishing equipment...a hoarders collection
in fact theer is a bin 10 feet from my door filled with metal to be recycled (perhaps art pieces waiting to happen) i have picked out a few bitsand pieces
my cats like to play in there.
there are huge cedar trees and RAVENS
oh the ravens
so loud and so magical
i have a patio that i spend much time on and a garden bed that needs to be planted ASAP
it is very nice in so many ways
and i am trying to be willing to find a life here
thankfully my dear friends are making treks out to visit
but
as yet i dont have anyone here that i could even have a cup of tea with

the crow and the worm #5

wriggle in mud
you curly piece of crow food
swallow in one gulp