Shaken

shaken to the core
albeit briefly if you take in a life time
despite our inability i believed he was maybe the best poet i had ever met
even after he ran i printed them out
and even after he disappeared i still believed in him
saw his fear and found all my faults (the ones i could see at that point anyway)
it was all going to be ok i believed

and besides that i jumped into bed with B and that helped for a bit

so
and tho
i heard him calling
and wrote
and he had been calling
and our talk was so filled with what still could be's
and then i started to shake
he promised he wouldnt run again



ha
so i am scared and he is more scared
and i hope he will sooth my fears

i couldnt leave the bed
i mean it i couldnt
and i had such dreams
when i woke all i could "hear" was his screaming
screaming like a wounded animal

he told me to go
not write just go
then E read me his poem to her
her smile her eyes her perfect body
and more

he had maybe loved her
and was that why he didnt me?
well WTF
i beg myself
i beg something bigger
dont let me lose hope in love

and he writes
"my need to convey is greater then my shame"
head hung exposed


E and i ...having been close
are not at this point
and bigger and other reasons than that troll who we let play us
truly i dont want to look at her beautiful eyes and smile and perfect body right now either

that is against every feminist being i have in myself
its just what is true today... true
from my darkness

as for his poetry
i dunno right now