the crack

ok
talking like a bigshotknowitall
i will say
ok my opinion
no no
in my experience
sometimes there comes a little crack (like the leonard cohen thing about the crack and the light)
and the world spin does whatever
and things fall totally crazy and upside down and rocks fall on my head
and its TERRIBLE

or actually its good
i mean it doesnt seem good
things feel like losses
look like losses
and they are fucking losses
doncha know
like people i like leave
and
a lover gets a girlfriend
and/or
someone gets honest and then i get honest back and then then then
my head feels a little strange and i am tearful
but

the crack gets bigger and the empty places arent empty but they are opportunities for opportunities

and well here is one thing
i have grey roots
and you know my hair is coloured and its a good colour ( like the jann arden song)
but i think
would it be cool to have a big mass of silver hair?

only a thought but you see the crack and the so called losses leave room for these possibilities
please please
i am aware that hair colour is shallow in the whole scheme of things
and the dress i am going to make myself
shallow too i laugh

maybe i would like to change
or am changing
to a silver haired woman in a short dress

or a silver haired woman in a short dress that loves herself a little more
or a red headed woman in green pants with a frill
who loves herself enough to say no
or say yes